Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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