1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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