I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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