I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My penis needs a shock collar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
