Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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