You really coming over, don't trick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
