Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
