Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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