i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
