Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i out mim tonsoeep
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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