Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
