Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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