Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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