I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
