She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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