your parents love me but you hate me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
