if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
