he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
