i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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