Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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