so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize