people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
