dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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