Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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