Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
