she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
