You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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