I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
