We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
