This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
