hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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