There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The power of my boobs compel you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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