I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
