This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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