forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
