I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
