Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
