:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
