Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize