hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
In America we eat man semen.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
