So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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