i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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