the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
