I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
