can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
