i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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