Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
