you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
