glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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