I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
