Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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