im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
