How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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