I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
