walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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