I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
