This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
