You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
