This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He has the fingertips of a God
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