I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
