i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
