i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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